Love Is a Pain
by SleepyAdam
Summary: He loved Mahiru Oh That was what was wrong. - "I got a lot more of my life without Kuro in it than the little distressing part with him in it."


...That I got a lot more of my life without Kuro in it than the little distressing part with him in it.

Kuro wasn't supposed to be listening. He should have stayed away as Mahiru had told him to. He should have stayed as far away as their bond allowed. Of course he had wanted to apologize, to tell Mahiru he was sorry they didn't make it to his last exam because of him. He had spent too much time ranting at Kuro to get up and ready so by the time they made it to his class's door, Mahiru wasn't allowed in.

I got a lot more of my life without Kuro…

A stab, a knife direct to his heart. Being as old as Kuro was, he had known how the tip of a knife ripping through flesh felt like, he knew very well how its pain felt and yet…

The moment the words registered through his troubled mind he had to cover his mouth to silence the gasp of pain that them evoked. It had been so long since he felt it this way, the first time in centuries it hurt this way.

... little distressing part with him in it.

distressing part with him in it.

part with him in it

with him in it

with him

with

 **Mahiru**

Kuro whispered, surprised by his own wavering voice. Mahiru's name leaving a bitter aftertaste.

He stood there, outside of the apartment door, outside of the place he had come to call home, shaking with his hand in the handle staring back at the surprised eyes of Mahiru. The sun disappeared behind him allowing his human form. Unconsciously Kuro put a hand over his chest.

He couldn't leave the knife out, he needed to keep it in or the pain would get worst. It was a sensation forcing it down, what kept the knot in his throat from choking him to death, the force containing the pain. As long as he doesn't let go of the knife he won't feel the full extent of the pain. His tears won't fall if he can keep the knife in, he told himself.

Kuro's body went rigid, he closed the door and carefully of not moving the hand over his heart he walked away.

Step after step after step If he gave enough steps it wouldn't hurt, if he got away enough it wouldn't matter.

Distantly someone called his name, or maybe it was his mind muffling Mahiru's voice.

Of course he would follow, of course he would try to reach him, but Kuro didn't want to listen. Whatever apologies that came out at the moment would feel like lies.

Kuro kept walking, tightening the fist of his hoodie over his heart.

Don't let go of the knife, don't let go of the knife

The little voice in his mind chanted.

If you let go the world will fall, if you let go tears will fall.

Absently Kuro wondered when he started running only to heard When Mahiru started to. as answer from his own mind.

Mahiru Only a night ago things have been at peace.

And Kuro's breath hitched as a memory of the two of them playing and Mahiru's smile flashed through his mind. Fear clawed at his bones at the thought of losing that.

It was not that Sleepy/Oldest/servamp/alive/for/way/too/long/Ash couldn't handle being alone, he spent most of his immortal life that way, he rather prefered it that way but…

Kuro was accustomed to Mahiru.

He loved his time with Mahiru, even if it was a pain. He enjoyed the company, he loved that Mahiru cared, he loved Mahiru's loud, enthusiastic and cheerful voice, how full of life Mahiru was.

He loved Mahiru

Oh

That was what was wrong.

Kuro stopped running, and felt his body shiver, as realization hit him.

Never fall in love with your Eve, it only brings pain, for one thing or another, it never ends well.

Hugh's voice before they held the voting made echo through him. Sleepy Ash had asked what was wrong with the dark pitiful aura that once was the servamp of Greed.

He understood now.

The world crashing on him was by no means something new, he felt it many times, you can not live as long as him without it happening at least a couple of times, and in the big schemes of all things, being in love seemed as a silly, ridiculous even, thing to make drama about. He would roll his eyes if it was someone else, he would close the book if he was reading, change the channel if it was a movie.

Drama for being in love seemed like such a pain that he would never consciously deal with.

The idea itself had always seemed troublesome and tiresome so he had avoided it as much as he could.

But of course Mahiru would change that too.

And of course that falling in love with Mahiru would be as troublesome as the guy himself.

A heavy sigh left his lips as he gave up and fell on the grass, somehow he had made it to the lake under the bridge, somehow it was late night time.

Bright stars shined over him, the light of the full moon made his bell shine in his hand.

One hand on the grass, the other holding his bell.

He had let go but it was not pain what had overwhelmed him, no, it was the tiredness.

Tired of being in pain and fear of losing what he didn't even have.

He was too old, too lonely, too hurt, too angry, and all of the same he felt too tired to feel any of it.

Mahiru regretted picking him up, of course he did.

I wonder what big brother fears most, losing him or how big that fear is?

Tsubaki's words held a truth too troublesome, too scary and he had refused to deal with it.

What if Mahiru didn't pick him up? What if it had been a normal cat? What if he had picked a different servamp? What if he was still a normal guy? What if Kuro stopped shaking his life? What if they had meet when Sleepy Ash was still human? What if they had a chance? What if he was different?

What if he didn't have to lose Mahiru? But that was what Mahiru wanted too. What if he didn't want to mess Mahiru's life anymore? What if he left before losing him?

 **What if...**

What if you break the bell?

If does not exist, in past it was a way to think of something that was lost, to never be. In future, was a possibility, different paths to a solution.

Kuro could break the bell and everything would end.

The tiredness, the pain, the fear, everything. It would take only a bit of his force and Mahiru would be free, Kuro would be free.

All of them win.

"Don't break. Kuro, don't break." Mahiru's voice was steady, an order not to defiant; even as he seemed to be fighting to regain his breath.

"You can't break that which is already broken." Now he sounded like Lawless, great.

Kuro threw the bell at Mahiru, wondering why he did it.

Mahiru gasped and Kuro remembered the state of the bell, it looked as old as him, with little cracks over, for once he had left Mahiru see the real state of it. The projection of Kuro's state.

"Look, it's a misunderstanding, I was telling Sakuya what he thought I should tell you, but that was not, **it is not** how I feel at all Kuro." Mahiru's desperate voice tried to break through the voice telling Kuro to get the bell back and break it in half.

Looking up, Kuro could see him cleaning the bell.

"I was mad, of course I was. But like I was going to tell him before this," He said gesturing between them and the bell, gesturing to the situation they were in. "That is not how things are, the opposite is the truth!"

"We can break the contract. You can go back to normal. I am the Servamp of Sloth, what happened today, what always happens will keep happening."

I'll lose you, you'll leave, better go before losing you.

"I said no." Mahiru said stubbornly.

They stared at each other and deep down he wanted to ask, he wanted to know if Mahiru truly didn't regret.

"I'm glad I picked you that day, that won't change just because I lost an exam I can take later. We'll stay together for a long time Kuro."

It hurt, and now he wanted to know what Mahiru had with hitting him in the forehead with his, really.

"What a pain." Kuro closed his eyes at Mahiru's radiant smile. It was brighter than the moon and it was troubling him.

Even knowing that, even seeing Mahiru's smile, the fact was the same, he was in love with his Eve and it would be a problem, sooner or later. Mahiru after all, was still mortal.

"I can't deal…" Mahiru rolled his eyes as he put the bell back where it belonged. "I can't deal with losing you." Kuro murmured directly into Mahiru's ear as he finished closing the collar.

Mahiru stared into red eyes. "We'll figure something up. You won't get away from me if I have a say on it."

"Even if I'm...well, me?"

"You'll always be a lazy ass, I know." Mahiru said taking Kuro's hand. "But don't you dare to think that means I will stop making you do what you have to!"

"So troublesome I could die." Kuro sighed heavily, tightening his hold in Mahiru's hand as they started to make his way back home.

"I'm really sorry Mahiru."

"It'll be okay."

There were still many unsolved things, but looking at Mahiru's tender eyes, sure voice, and the reassuring promise of his smile, Kuro believed him.

They would be okay.


End file.
